So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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