HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
