I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
