Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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