What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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