i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
