how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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