i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
