So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
