a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
