How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
