You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
