there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
