peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize