What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
