I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize