Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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