They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
