I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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