I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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