I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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