Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
