took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
