Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
