is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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