you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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