I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
