my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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