Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
