so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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