OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
