WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
