After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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