I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
