I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I understand Curling. That high.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Your cock deserves a montage
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
