I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
