Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
