I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
