Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it glows. i had to have it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
