someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
