my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My pussy is not your playground.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
