I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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