Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
