I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dear god my vagina.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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