I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
