i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
