you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
