He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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