My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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