someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
