When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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