She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
