but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
