Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
