You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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