I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
