I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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