I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
