you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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