at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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