Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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