so explain again why im purple
no
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
